written 6 May 2023

Warning: This article is not intended for children under the age of 20 years old. This article contains mentions of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual abuse.

I left the old group, but I still carry memories with me. New life creates new memories, and they all mix together. The past influences the present to varying degrees. Some days more; some days less. I don't have a goal to never be affected by my past again – it's part of my history and makeup. The goal is discernment – recognizing when my past is influencing my present, and choosing whether to allow the influence or not. Thankfully, the current round of processing is not debilitating.

For the past month, the old group has been on my mind a lot, because I was informed about recent exposure of the criminal sexual atrocities of a (now-deceased) high-level group leader against other humans. (See this letter, and this letter.) This exposure is leading to more revelations of sexual misconduct and ensuing investigations (See this list of open cases, and this update.).

People are reacting, more or less as expected. My own reaction has been a party of emotions and is taking a while to sort out.

I am extremely thankful that I never experienced sexual assault by a group member. Please don't misunderstand – this is not because the group culture kept me safe. I was safe in spite of the culture, and that fact is at the foundation of my most enduring reaction: utter, complete, exasperation.

I feel FED UP.

First, the most apt, condemning Bible verses I know of that sum up the situation:

John 3:19-21

And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (20) For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. (21) But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

The group claims^a to be an instrument on earth of the righteous, pure, holy GOD, "who is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5). Their foundational method of ministry – which is based on lies,^b and is NOT scriptural! – CREATES DARKNESS. (See this list of documented history, especially the entries 1897 and 1899, Oct, as well as this list of primary evidence.) Infuriatingly, there are likely still human beings trusting their whole lives and salvation on the lie that this system is the only GOD-approved system. As if that's not appalling enough, the darkness of the system provides a hiding place for evil humans to repeatedly conduct evil, harmful deeds on the most vulnerable, totally innocent citizens of GOD's creation - children.^c

Yes – cue revulsion, utter exasperation, and fury.^d

I want to be very clear here – by "systems" I don't mean abstract concepts. I am talking about specific methods of administration which create darkness, including

• Communication: How information is shared or not shared
  4between leaders at the same level of hierarchy (high level)
  4between leaders at different levels of hierarchy (high-level and staff members)
  4between leaders and group members (high-level, staff members, and group members)
  
• Money
  4Is there any accounting at all? This is a very dark area!
  4Matthew 26:10, 11¹ is not a dismissal of group members' responsibility to help the poor (and not just the poor who are fellow group members, either).
  4Matthew 6:3² is not a valid excuse for lack of transparency regarding what group leaders are doing with members' money. See Job 31: 16-21³, Isaiah 58:7⁴, & Matthew 25:37-40⁵ for a comprehensive description of alms. In case there's doubt regarding who our neighbor is: ANYONE we see who is in need of shelter, clothing, food, healing, or other essential-to-life item is our neighbor, regardless of whether they believe what we believe or not. Luke 10:29-37⁶
• Lack of Accountability
  4when leaders express horror and disgust at a wicked human's deeds without acknowledging their own personal participation in and promotion of a system that creates opportunities for the evil deeds to be committed
  4when perpetrators are quietly shuffled around and accusations of evil are not swiftly, publicly attended to according to Scripture (cite Scripture)
• Celibate ministry
  4dismissal of normal human sexual and relational needs as designed by GOD. See Genesis 2:18, 23-24⁷ & 1 Corinthians 9:1,5⁸
• Unscriptural doctrine
  4which children are exposed to from a very young age
  4which makes age-inappropriate demands of children
  4which teaches children to be ashamed of themselves, including the perfectly normal maturing of their reproductive systems
  4which is not the same across continents, countries, or even states and regions of states (confusion! not unity)
  4which focuses too much on defending the group's existence instead of teaching what the Bible ACTUALLY says, regardless of personal feelings

I participated in this culture. I was complicit, by mere participation. I promoted and participated in a system that hid (hides) and protected (protects) evildoers from the law, over vulnerable innocents. I am SO SORRY.

There is no possible reformation of the group leadership, in my opinion. If they are to become totally righteous, and totally excise everything that is unScriptural about the current method of ministry, it will become unrecognizable, I believe. I believe group members should encourage and welcome this transformation – righteousness, after all, is worth it.

References

1. Matthew 26:10-11 When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me. (11) For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.

2. Matthew 6:3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

3. Job 31:16-21 If I have withheld the poor from their desire, or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail; (17) Or have eaten my morsel myself alone, and the fatherless hath not eaten thereof; (18) (For from my youth he was brought up with me, as with a father, and I have guided her from my mother's womb;) (19) If I have seen any perish for want of clothing, or any poor without covering; (20) If his loins have not blessed me, and if he were not warmed with the fleece of my sheep; (21) If I have lifted up my hand against the fatherless, when I saw my help in the gate:

4. Isaiah 58:7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

5. Matthew 25:37-40 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? (38) When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? (39) Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? (40) And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

6. Luke 10:29-37 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour? (30) And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. (31) And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. (32) And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side. (33) But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, (34) And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. (35) And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee. (36) Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves? (37) And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

7. Genesis 2:18, 24 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. … (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

8. 1 Corinthians 9:1,5 Am I not an apostle? am I not free? have I not seen Jesus Christ our Lord? are not ye my work in the Lord? (5) Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?

Notes

1. This claim may not be made by blatant verbal or written declaration, but everything in their culture supports it.
2. I know not every single member of the group joined because they believe their ministry is the only GOD-approved one. I know not every group leader claims to "go out just like Jesus sent the disciples". (I didn't believe it and I refused to proclaim that when I was a leader. I don't believe I was the only one.) But! The group got started as an experiment based on the premise that it's possible to "go out just like Jesus sent the disciples" today. That premise is false.
3. I am not minimizing childhood sexual abuse by the following: as horrible as CSA is, it is one of many kinds of abuses of authority and power which thrive in darkness. The whole system is a shelter whatever misdeeds can be performed by sinful men and women.
4. I am not angry at most members. I am saddened for you as you deal with the betrayal of this system to which you give your sincere support. I know the deep discomfort of conflicting feelings, and the struggle of working out how you are going to process this.
   I am angry at member-abusers who threatened children with hell if they didn't go to meetings, and with leaders in places of power who ignored oppressed, vulnerable people under their care when they rightfully exposed sin. I am saddened at the thought of every young group leader (including those who grew old) who bore the struggle-years of figuring out their place in a hierarchy that was not fully supportive and rarely nurturing, and all the injustices they faced. I am angered by the thought of uncounted amounts of mammon (millions?) that could have made a massive difference to the widows, the fatherless, the poor, and the stranger. Instead, it was poured into the ministry, the construction and upkeep of church buildings, international travel expenses, and who knows how many more misuses like Dean Bruer's. (Yes, mammon is worldly and temporary - but it has a use and a purpose. Luke 16:11  If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?)
   I am angry, but I am certainly not only angry.